friday!!

if the "powers that be" didn't want me watching tv at work, they wouldn't have put the office on hulu...

not my fault.

happy weekend!
xoxo
g

if Internet-Stalking (NOT to be confused with ACTUAL stalking) weren't a human right, google never would have been developed.

thanks.
xoxo
g

dear world,

"word" is NOT an appropriate response. especially if i'm pissed at you and you're trying to pretend that i'm not.
ever.

thanks.
xoxo
g

Dear Girl on Subway Sitting Across From Me,

FYI-- if you weigh more than 100 pounds and are wearing a flouncy micro-mini, please do not cross your legs whilst sitting. I do not need proof that you are not wearing undergarments nor do I need to see the stretch marks on your outer thighs. ewww.

Thanks much.
xoxo
g

From "Girls of Riyadh" by Rajaa Alsenea

Those who want us, our souls resent them
And those whom we want, fate refuses to give us.

-Norah Al-Hawshan
(A female Saudi Poet.)

more coming soon from me!

cheers,
v

"things have been awkward and weird for a while now" are never the words a gal wants to hear...

but what can you do...
le sigh.

HAPPY 4th of July!!!
xoxo
g

dear boy,

if you weren't so freaking HOT, and if your hair didn't fall just-so, i would absolutely hate you.

so do me a favor and surprise me?? please?

xoxo
g

at what point does advanced planning negate the “accidental” part of “accidentally running into someone”???

and can i help it if i plan ahead? i would prefer to “accidentally” run into someone when I look fantastic, rather than ACTUALLY accidentally run into someone when i’m on my way back from the gym/grocery store/errands etc. and i'm in running tights and a sweaty t/sweats/look like crap.

xoxo
g

I woke up in the middle of the night and his arm was strewn across my neck, not across my body like it sometimes is, but ACROSS MY NECK. And the dead weight of his arm made it difficult to breathe, and I coughed, and tried to move his arm, but he couldn't be moved. and he kept sleeping.

Le sigh -- the perfect metaphor. His insecurity and adoration, which I originally found cute, because, well, quite frankly, who DOESN’T want to be adored has shifted to just plain neediness. which is most definitely NOT cute.

It’s turned toward possessiveness, to a constant need to be with me, and hold onto me in some way, like if he doesn’t, I’ll run away.

To quote an old professor of mine, “there is something about the way that he holds my waist like a corset, a too-tight belt…”

It’s suffocating me.

LITERALLY.

Which sucks, because I really do like the boy, but his attractiveness is PLUMETING by the second…

Le sigh…

xoxo
g

UGH!

dear ex-boyfriend,

if you say you still love me and i don't respond, I'M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.
if you say you want to get back together and i stare at you blankly and look really uncomfortable, I'M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.
thanks.
xoxo
g

You again?

Dude.

... DUDE.

So yeah, I've been seeing Rocket Scientist quite a bit. In a sort of "sad-that-I'm-leaving-but-we'll-make-the-best-of-it-even-though-he-doesn't-know-I'm-not-that-into-it-kind-of-way."

Oh yeah, I'm leaving the city, and moving on to the next city for Grad School. This is exciting.

BUT.

In a completely different subject... I went out for drinks with an old acquaintance from college. I use that word because... he was really a friend of a friend of a friend. He comes here fairly regularly on business. He's 23 and he's briefing a fairly prominent Agency on computer security. He's kind of a big deal. But a cool kid, very smart, and moving to the same city as me very soon. Always good to network.

So. I don't really know if we're on a date or not. I assume we are because he pays for everything.

But before I can assess this, we are deciding which bar to go to - the Irish pub, or the Microbrewery with 100000 different kinds of beer. We go with the microbrewery, get carded, and as I walk in, I run STRAIGHT into Owen.

OWEN!?!?!?!? Owen who I have hung out with twice in my life. Owen, who i stayed up hours upon hours into the morning talking about everything under the sun. Owen, who texted me constantly for a few weeks, usually resulting in NOTHING, and infuriated me beyond belief. Owen, who I FINALLY met up with for a second time, smoked tons of cigarettes, hung out in the random tent he set up in his loft bedroom, and then took a 4am candlelit bubble bath while smoking even MORE cigarettes before retiring to further shenanigans I was barely awake enough to entertain.

Owen.

Fuck. That. Guy.

Owen got deleted from my phone. Owen got defriended from facebook.

Fuck. Owen.

I'm with my date, and he obviously senses something is up from the staredown he just witnessed between Owen and myself. Literally, I said NOTHING to the guy. We saw each other, recognized we knew each other, I kind of glared at him, and then walked straight to the back of the HUGE bar we were in.

Moments later, I got a text from him. Yeah, I deleted his number, but I KNEW it was him. All it said was "Trouble."

I waited until my date was in the bathroom, or elsewhere (hey - i didn't want to be the dick who was texting on her cell phone all night... though after texting two of my besties the news of seeing O, I was obviously blowing up thenceforth.) and responded with "you again."

And then heard nothing from him the rest of the night. What a douche. Though part of me wants to think that if he wanted to meet up, I'd tell him to eff himself. And another part of me thinks that I'd have ditched the new guy and met up with the asshole.... because that was some intense shit that you don't just forget so easily. UGGGHHHH..

So then I had to explain, in moderation and with major editing, the circumstances of my relationship with that guy. Because not everyone gets the death stare and walk-away without some sort of explanation.

God I wish O wasn't such a gameplayer. What a jerk.

... Why do I want to see him again immediately?

til next time,

-v

yuckity-yuck

setting:
double-date dinner with 2 of my friends (bf & gf), and my date, henceforward called “date”, because yes, I really AM that creative... bf and gf are good friends of mine was super excited to do the double-date thing since i had scrounged up a date that i had been out with a bunch of times before so it wouldn’t be awkward.

story:
gf and i head to the restaurant since bf is stuck in traffic coming in from nj, while date comes in from one of those boroughs to which i generally do not travel...

outside the cheap, yet trendy thai restaurant i run into 2 of my coworkers, which is a combination of “good to see you (because i actually like them)’ and “wow, kinda awkward to see you out in the real world”... but anyway, they go inside, we go inside, and we’re both put at tables on opposite ends of the restaurant (but not without an annoyed look from the hostess when we inform her we need a table for 4 since 2 more will be joining us shortly...)

we sit down and i can’t help but notice that 2 out of the 3 people DIRECTLY next to us look awfully familiar… turns out one of the guys was in a bunch of college dance classes with me, but from where did I know the other??? and then CRAP! yes, ladies and gentlemen, i hooked up/went out once with the guy sitting less than 5 feet from me. super.

but it gets better. this particular guy took me on 2 dates. this 1st date was kinda bad, but i gave him another shot, which he promply blew by trying to come home with me and not taking "no" very well. he then he proceeded to STALK me for the next month or so, actually earning the nickname “stalker S____”… so needless to say, i was NOT pleased to see him. so i ignored him and avoided eye contact. but when he got up to leave, i was reaching into my purse hanging over my chair and… CRAP! eye contact! NOOOO!!!

he says “hey” and i politely acknowledge him, and he starts to chat and tries to reach down and hug me. so i stand up (rather artfully avoiding the hug) and also smile at the dancer boy who smiles back. so, attempting to end this conversation say “ok, well good to see you, better get back to my food” and try to sit down. but i guess, in his world, that’s just woman-speak for “keep talking to me”

because he says, and i quote:
“yeah, well, i’m sure you’re on a date right now, but can i get your number?”
and pulls out his iphone and unlocks it, waiting…

my totally agog response?!
“good to see you, maybe i’ll see you around.”
and i promptly sit back down.

WHAT THE HELL?!?!? i mean, who the hell asks for a woman’s number WHILE she’s on a date?!?! especially one who’s CLEARLY not interested… and if you don’t have my number, i probably want it that way…

luckily my date wasn’t put off by the whole thing and we all had a good laugh.
end of story.

or so i thought...

the next day i checked my email and had a facebook message from him – a message sent the night before! which means he came home and immediately messaged me . ewwww… i mean, can this guy not take a hint?!? it’s really no big deal since i just ignored the message, but then i had to deal with messages from him again and again over the next few days.

so there are 2 options:
1) he honestly didn't get that i wasn't interested (which would make him an absolute IDIOT! and i know the guy might be lame, but not that dumb)
2) he really thought that he could, by mere persistence, score another date. (fyi: baaaad idea...)

either way, YUCK. YUCK, YUCK, YUCK! if i'm not responding to you, and i don't look happy to see you, I'M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

where is the "she's just not that into you" edition??? apparently guys can be just as clueless...

xoxo
g

i'm a huge fan of dating...

i repeat: when did men become the new women???

why do they think the only options are "relationship" or "friends with benefits" ???

what happened to good old-fashioned dating?!?!?! dating is perfect -- it allows you too see someone (as casually as you/they want) while still being able to see other people as well.

no gets too attached, no one gets hurt, and it allows you to actually determine how much you like the person before jumping into anything.

xoxo
g

what is it about that which you cannot have that makes it all the more appealing?
why can't we want what we have, and not what we can't???


the only thing more confusing than all that is the fact that it snowed in new york this morning. i thought it was april... wtf?!?!!?

xoxo
g

stories

I'm a sucker for good love stories. 

I really wanted the sassy artsy redhead and the British Rocket Scientist to work out.  I wanted to see how the rest of that story played out.  It would have been a classic tale of how left-brained and right-brained opposites attract.  I wanted him to take her to dinner and tell her about what he was doing on the cutting edge of aeronautic cryogenics.  I wanted him to go to all of her improv shows, and support her work in the theater.  I wanted each to marvel at and support the others' passions which would both fascinate and frighten them.  I wanted them to go on dates and fall in love... maybe get married and have two weddings - one in New York and one in London.   Give their (brilliant) kids the opportunity to go to Oxford or Juilliard... MIT or Tisch.  

But... that's ridiculous.  Because these are real people.  And stories are just stories.  And even when things are in your control - that X factor, that spark - is either there or it isn't.