dear boy,

if you weren't so freaking HOT, and if your hair didn't fall just-so, i would absolutely hate you.

so do me a favor and surprise me?? please?

xoxo
g

at what point does advanced planning negate the “accidental” part of “accidentally running into someone”???

and can i help it if i plan ahead? i would prefer to “accidentally” run into someone when I look fantastic, rather than ACTUALLY accidentally run into someone when i’m on my way back from the gym/grocery store/errands etc. and i'm in running tights and a sweaty t/sweats/look like crap.

xoxo
g

I woke up in the middle of the night and his arm was strewn across my neck, not across my body like it sometimes is, but ACROSS MY NECK. And the dead weight of his arm made it difficult to breathe, and I coughed, and tried to move his arm, but he couldn't be moved. and he kept sleeping.

Le sigh -- the perfect metaphor. His insecurity and adoration, which I originally found cute, because, well, quite frankly, who DOESN’T want to be adored has shifted to just plain neediness. which is most definitely NOT cute.

It’s turned toward possessiveness, to a constant need to be with me, and hold onto me in some way, like if he doesn’t, I’ll run away.

To quote an old professor of mine, “there is something about the way that he holds my waist like a corset, a too-tight belt…”

It’s suffocating me.

LITERALLY.

Which sucks, because I really do like the boy, but his attractiveness is PLUMETING by the second…

Le sigh…

xoxo
g

UGH!

dear ex-boyfriend,

if you say you still love me and i don't respond, I'M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.
if you say you want to get back together and i stare at you blankly and look really uncomfortable, I'M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.
thanks.
xoxo
g

You again?

Dude.

... DUDE.

So yeah, I've been seeing Rocket Scientist quite a bit. In a sort of "sad-that-I'm-leaving-but-we'll-make-the-best-of-it-even-though-he-doesn't-know-I'm-not-that-into-it-kind-of-way."

Oh yeah, I'm leaving the city, and moving on to the next city for Grad School. This is exciting.

BUT.

In a completely different subject... I went out for drinks with an old acquaintance from college. I use that word because... he was really a friend of a friend of a friend. He comes here fairly regularly on business. He's 23 and he's briefing a fairly prominent Agency on computer security. He's kind of a big deal. But a cool kid, very smart, and moving to the same city as me very soon. Always good to network.

So. I don't really know if we're on a date or not. I assume we are because he pays for everything.

But before I can assess this, we are deciding which bar to go to - the Irish pub, or the Microbrewery with 100000 different kinds of beer. We go with the microbrewery, get carded, and as I walk in, I run STRAIGHT into Owen.

OWEN!?!?!?!? Owen who I have hung out with twice in my life. Owen, who i stayed up hours upon hours into the morning talking about everything under the sun. Owen, who texted me constantly for a few weeks, usually resulting in NOTHING, and infuriated me beyond belief. Owen, who I FINALLY met up with for a second time, smoked tons of cigarettes, hung out in the random tent he set up in his loft bedroom, and then took a 4am candlelit bubble bath while smoking even MORE cigarettes before retiring to further shenanigans I was barely awake enough to entertain.

Owen.

Fuck. That. Guy.

Owen got deleted from my phone. Owen got defriended from facebook.

Fuck. Owen.

I'm with my date, and he obviously senses something is up from the staredown he just witnessed between Owen and myself. Literally, I said NOTHING to the guy. We saw each other, recognized we knew each other, I kind of glared at him, and then walked straight to the back of the HUGE bar we were in.

Moments later, I got a text from him. Yeah, I deleted his number, but I KNEW it was him. All it said was "Trouble."

I waited until my date was in the bathroom, or elsewhere (hey - i didn't want to be the dick who was texting on her cell phone all night... though after texting two of my besties the news of seeing O, I was obviously blowing up thenceforth.) and responded with "you again."

And then heard nothing from him the rest of the night. What a douche. Though part of me wants to think that if he wanted to meet up, I'd tell him to eff himself. And another part of me thinks that I'd have ditched the new guy and met up with the asshole.... because that was some intense shit that you don't just forget so easily. UGGGHHHH..

So then I had to explain, in moderation and with major editing, the circumstances of my relationship with that guy. Because not everyone gets the death stare and walk-away without some sort of explanation.

God I wish O wasn't such a gameplayer. What a jerk.

... Why do I want to see him again immediately?

til next time,

-v

yuckity-yuck

setting:
double-date dinner with 2 of my friends (bf & gf), and my date, henceforward called “date”, because yes, I really AM that creative... bf and gf are good friends of mine was super excited to do the double-date thing since i had scrounged up a date that i had been out with a bunch of times before so it wouldn’t be awkward.

story:
gf and i head to the restaurant since bf is stuck in traffic coming in from nj, while date comes in from one of those boroughs to which i generally do not travel...

outside the cheap, yet trendy thai restaurant i run into 2 of my coworkers, which is a combination of “good to see you (because i actually like them)’ and “wow, kinda awkward to see you out in the real world”... but anyway, they go inside, we go inside, and we’re both put at tables on opposite ends of the restaurant (but not without an annoyed look from the hostess when we inform her we need a table for 4 since 2 more will be joining us shortly...)

we sit down and i can’t help but notice that 2 out of the 3 people DIRECTLY next to us look awfully familiar… turns out one of the guys was in a bunch of college dance classes with me, but from where did I know the other??? and then CRAP! yes, ladies and gentlemen, i hooked up/went out once with the guy sitting less than 5 feet from me. super.

but it gets better. this particular guy took me on 2 dates. this 1st date was kinda bad, but i gave him another shot, which he promply blew by trying to come home with me and not taking "no" very well. he then he proceeded to STALK me for the next month or so, actually earning the nickname “stalker S____”… so needless to say, i was NOT pleased to see him. so i ignored him and avoided eye contact. but when he got up to leave, i was reaching into my purse hanging over my chair and… CRAP! eye contact! NOOOO!!!

he says “hey” and i politely acknowledge him, and he starts to chat and tries to reach down and hug me. so i stand up (rather artfully avoiding the hug) and also smile at the dancer boy who smiles back. so, attempting to end this conversation say “ok, well good to see you, better get back to my food” and try to sit down. but i guess, in his world, that’s just woman-speak for “keep talking to me”

because he says, and i quote:
“yeah, well, i’m sure you’re on a date right now, but can i get your number?”
and pulls out his iphone and unlocks it, waiting…

my totally agog response?!
“good to see you, maybe i’ll see you around.”
and i promptly sit back down.

WHAT THE HELL?!?!? i mean, who the hell asks for a woman’s number WHILE she’s on a date?!?! especially one who’s CLEARLY not interested… and if you don’t have my number, i probably want it that way…

luckily my date wasn’t put off by the whole thing and we all had a good laugh.
end of story.

or so i thought...

the next day i checked my email and had a facebook message from him – a message sent the night before! which means he came home and immediately messaged me . ewwww… i mean, can this guy not take a hint?!? it’s really no big deal since i just ignored the message, but then i had to deal with messages from him again and again over the next few days.

so there are 2 options:
1) he honestly didn't get that i wasn't interested (which would make him an absolute IDIOT! and i know the guy might be lame, but not that dumb)
2) he really thought that he could, by mere persistence, score another date. (fyi: baaaad idea...)

either way, YUCK. YUCK, YUCK, YUCK! if i'm not responding to you, and i don't look happy to see you, I'M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

where is the "she's just not that into you" edition??? apparently guys can be just as clueless...

xoxo
g

i'm a huge fan of dating...

i repeat: when did men become the new women???

why do they think the only options are "relationship" or "friends with benefits" ???

what happened to good old-fashioned dating?!?!?! dating is perfect -- it allows you too see someone (as casually as you/they want) while still being able to see other people as well.

no gets too attached, no one gets hurt, and it allows you to actually determine how much you like the person before jumping into anything.

xoxo
g

what is it about that which you cannot have that makes it all the more appealing?
why can't we want what we have, and not what we can't???


the only thing more confusing than all that is the fact that it snowed in new york this morning. i thought it was april... wtf?!?!!?

xoxo
g

stories

I'm a sucker for good love stories. 

I really wanted the sassy artsy redhead and the British Rocket Scientist to work out.  I wanted to see how the rest of that story played out.  It would have been a classic tale of how left-brained and right-brained opposites attract.  I wanted him to take her to dinner and tell her about what he was doing on the cutting edge of aeronautic cryogenics.  I wanted him to go to all of her improv shows, and support her work in the theater.  I wanted each to marvel at and support the others' passions which would both fascinate and frighten them.  I wanted them to go on dates and fall in love... maybe get married and have two weddings - one in New York and one in London.   Give their (brilliant) kids the opportunity to go to Oxford or Juilliard... MIT or Tisch.  

But... that's ridiculous.  Because these are real people.  And stories are just stories.  And even when things are in your control - that X factor, that spark - is either there or it isn't.

random thoughts...

*just because you CAN wear it doesn't mean you SHOULD...

*just because it fits, doesn't mean it fits well...

xoxo
g

yay

so today will officially be known as the day i got into the program i wanted at the grad school i wanted... nand not the day i picked up my shit from my ex's place.


grad school so totally trumps loser ex-bf!

YAY!

life is good.

xoxo
g

sentimental ramblings...

in my head i had thought about running into him a thousand times. and in my head, i was wearing the perfect outfit, my hair was actually cooperating for once, and my makeup looked simultaneously sexy and casual.

when i ran into him, he would hug me hello and his hand would gently caress the small of my back as i pulled away, just like he used to. (and because my perfect outfit involved a shirt with a spliced open back, his hand would find my bare back.)

we would talk, and catch up, and i would instantly remember how amazing he is, and also how wonderfully modest and laid back.

and he would do that thing where a guy puts his arm around you and pulls you into his side, and you just sort of fold into his chest before you pull away.

and he would tease me, and i would tease him right back.

i never thought that when i actually did run into him, everything would actually go exactly like that.
EXACTLY like that.
well, except for the part where there was a lot less pulling away, and a lot more making plans to see each other again.

xoxo,
g

when did guys become the new girls???

when did guys start telling each other EVERYTHING?!?!? i mean, i know that girls do it all the time, but we at least PRETEND that we don’t. We would NEVER let our friends admit to the guy that we've been talking about them!

backstory:

i sent Cute (see a previous post) a facebook message to say hi/sorry for all the drama/let me know if you want to grab a drink sometime, and he responded. a few messages went back and forth, the gist of them being that we would get a drink sometime at the end of this week. yay!

but alas. today i started getting texts from Kicks about it, totally fishing for information and letting me know that he knew i had contacted Cute. he also seemed to think that Cute and i had definite plans tonight and he totally invited himself along (weird...)

ugh. i just really don't want to or deserve to be grilled by the BFF. and more importantly, if i’m even going to THINK about going on a date with someone or starting ANYTHING, then i need to know i’m starting it with YOU, not you, your BFF, and his GF...

there are few things LESS attractive than a guy who can’t keep his mouth shut.

so sad, because Cute, you have officially become Not Cute.

so sad.
xoxo
g

unanswered phone calls/text messages have approximately the same shelf-life as sushi -- 24 hours.

happy st. patrick's day!

ps. dear girl on subway,
putting pretty makeup on does not erase the lime green jumpsuit with brown uggs.
i dont care that it's st. patrick's day.
thanks.

xoxo
g

nothing good happens after 2am...

names have been changed to protect the innocent... and the not so innocent...

saturday night rolls around and after the syracuse game (tear!) i head downtown to meet my friend Kicks (because he has the best kicks in the planet!), his GF, and his best friend, Cute, are at a Bday party at one of those super trendy bars in the lower east side that doesn’t have a sign and is impossible to find. i’m still bummed from the syracuse loss, but i go anyway, and i finally find it.

i walk in, say hi to Kicks and GF and everything is fine. then GF wanders off and Kicks goes after her. so i’m left standing in a crowd of 20 drunk girls whose main concern was taking a photo cute enough for facebook. (sidenote: if you are worried about that, you probably should have taken it earlier when you all weren’t such drunk messes!)

so, i go over to say hi to Cute, who is sitting off to the side, and we start chatting. (now i should probably mention, for the sake of full disclosure, that i’ve met Cute a bunch of times before, and quite frankly, think he’s cute. simple as that. he’s cute, but we’re also becoming friends because of our mutual friend, Kicks. and i've been nervous about making a move because of said mutual friend.) so we’re talking, blah blah blah. how are you? what have you been up to? blah blah blah.

and the next thing i know, GF is yelling at me to come over. she actually yells at me to come over to hers, and then she walks over, grabs my hand, and drags me away.

because apparently, Bday girl wants to hook up with Cute. and i am not allowed to talk to him. (i think her words were something along the lines of “Bday girl is trying to hook up with Cute. So you can’t talk to him!” and then she pushes (LITERALLY PUSHES!) Bday girl over to Cute.

yeah.
time to go.
i don’t need bitchy drunk-girl drama.

i find Kicks, tell him that i’m heading home and that it was great to see him. he stops me and tells me that he, GF, and Cute are all leaving too and I should cab with them. I try to just get the hell of out there, but quite frankly, cabs are expensive, and all 4 of us live within 10 blocks of each other.

so i agree to leave with them. it was a bad decision, but it made sense at the time.

so we finally get GF peeled away from all her drunk-ass friends and we head outside where GF proceeds to whine at Cute about why he’s not going home with Bday girl because “omigawd! you really should!”

so we’re waiting for a cab and i can’t help but think – if Cute wanted to, he could have totally gone home with BDay girl. but quite frankly, he looked pretty damn uncomfortable when GF pushed Bday girl at him.

so we grab a cab. and there are 4 of us. so i, trying to be magnanimous, offer to sit up front. and Cute immediately says “i think it needs to be one of those 4 people in the back of a cab kind of nights!” i try to offer again (it’s a long ride and i don’t want to cramp people) but Cute reiterates it and says “come on” and then smiles at me. so of course i hop my cute butt in the back of the cab.

and we’re off!

and i can’t help but notice that Cute’s leg is pressed right up against mine. and he’s not moving it. and i can’t help but think that maybe i’m reading way way way too much into it, but maybe, just maybe, he actually WANTED to sit next to me in the cab... maybe...

so Cute and i start talking and pretty soon GF starts in on Cute again – insisting that he start texting her. now, i’m not exactly one to take my advice from tv shows, but i must give a shout-out to “how i met your mother” – if it’s after 2am, go home! nothing good happens after 2am. and interestingly enough, Cute seems to agree with what’s flying around in my head. he politely declines and tries to change the subject. which does not go well. GF is pissed. she starts in on him – why won’t he text her...it’s her bday...blah blah.

and then, i just can’t help it. i laugh. now, it’s not one of those out-loud, rolling on the floor, can’t contain yourself laughs. it’s merely a closed-mouth chuckle. and i’m not laughing AT Cute, and I’m not laughing AT GF. ok, maybe i AM laughing at GF. but it’s funny. i find her dedication to this to be hillarious.

and then she flips the F out. tells me to shut up, tells Kicks that i’m bitchy, and really annoying her, and that i have “no idea of the whole story” (i can’t help but think that the whole story is that, at the end of the night, Cute DID NOT want to go home with Bday girl. end of story.)

Kicks is trying to get her to quiet down and Cute is mumbling something that sounds apologetic. and finally GF shuts up and we have quiet for the remaining 60 blocks and i just stare out the window. and i’m actually pretty upset. i don’t hang out with people who bitch each other out and crazy drunk girls who think they’re in the middle of some bad reality tv show. this is just not my scene (thank god!)

so we finally get uptown and all pile out of the cab and GF immediately walks aways and starts yapping on her cell, giving me the death-glare. ugh. so i say goodnight to Kicks (who apologizes profusely) and he goes to GF to get her drunk-ass home.

and all of a sudden, it's just Cute and me.

and he starts walking, and i start walking, and Cute is being really nice. and i can’t help but think (and maybe i’m reading way way way too much into this) that in his “i’m so sorry, that was crazy...blah blah blah... she always thinks she can control my life...blah blah blah... i’m so sorry…) that maybe, just maybe, he might be interested in me. (i know it’s a stretch, but i can wonder, right?)

so we finally get to his door and it’s sorta awkward in a “well, this is me” sort of way (he actually says that – it’s cute.) so i thank him for being so nice, and he gives me a hug (yay!).

and all of a sudden i’m all smiley and happy and really don’t give a crap about the crazy girl. because Cute just hugged me. yay.

xoxo

g